020: Intimate Partner Violence – w/ Anonymous aka Olufemi (Part 1)
Today we will be talking about domestic abuse or intimate partner violence, which is a very important topic of discussion in the African community. Through the years, abuse has been somewhat normalized in relationships and in our community. There have been many examples of abuse that have led to a loss of life.
Some 1.2 million women and 700,000 men experience domestic violence each year, according to the Office for National Statistics. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/statistics/mental-health-statistics-domestic-violence
According to a study, Africa has some of the highest prevalence rates of intimate partner violence in the whole world (https://www.domesticviolenceintervention.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Africa.DV_.Programs.pdf)
Today I will be talking to an old friend who has chosen to be anonymous and will go by the name Olufemi – Femi for short. He chose to become anonymous because there are children involved.
[00:01 – 03:36] Opening Segment
- Introduction of Guest and Topic
[03:36 – 17:52] Meeting His Then-Wife
- How she met his then-wife
- Started with a Long Distance Relationship
- The Soo Many Red Flags
- The Continuous Manipulations
[17:52 – 38:29] Knowing The Wife
- Getting to know where she’s coming from
- She brought her past to the present
- He thought he could change her
- The relationship becomes toxic
- How she started treating him
[38:29 – 1:07:23] The Abusive Patterns
- The signs were ignored
- She started cheating openly
- She put her hands on him
- The day of blood
- He tried to help her
- She didn’t change
“IF someone is not willing to change, no amount of good knowledge can help such a person.” – Olufemi
“There is this ideology in Africa that men don’t show emotions – It’s a wrong statement. Men have emotions and they need to show it when they are hurt” – Anyoh Fombad
“We always create this ideology of what we want people to be and refuses to accept people for who they’re even when they\re showing it into our face.” – Anyoh Fombad
“As men, we’re fixing people not knowing that we can’t fix anyone who doesn’t realize that they need fixing and are not willing to do the work for change.”- Susan Mancho
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